No Refills for Past Regrets:
All They Do is Whine
DEAR DAMES
“Like most women my age, I’ve made my share of mistakes but can’t seem to move past them. Just when I think I’m fine, old regrets sneak back in—bad choices, cringe-worthy moments, and a few relationships I should have avoided altogether. My friends say, “Just let it go,” but it feels like regret has me handcuffed and I’ve lost the key. How do I stop letting the past pour into my present?”
Sincerely, Regretful in Rochester
DEAR REGRETFUL
Ah yes—those regrets, whining on and on with the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve rants. We’ve all entertained them, thinking one more replay might rewrite the past (which it most certainly does not).
Regret steals energy, joy, and confidence—without even offering to do the dishes. But here’s the good news: Regret is not your life sentence. It’s a life lesson. And lessons are not meant to be relived with every gory detail. They are meant to be learned.
So, take the kettle off the burner. It’s time to stop stewing over the past and start pouring yourself some well-earned peace.
“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.”
— Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies (1999)
Ingredients
- 1 cup of self-compassion
- A generous scoop of perspective
- A sprinkle of humor (yes, even about that one time)
- 3 grounding breaths
- A dash of gratitude for how far you’ve come
- Optional: One dear friend who knows your worth better than you do
Instructions
STEP 1: ACKNOWLEDGE. APOLOGIZE. DON’T AGONIZE.
Mistakes are moments – not monuments. Own them – don’t build a shrine.
But keep in mind that regret can linger if you know, deep down, you wronged someone.
Be honest with yourself. Owning your part – without excuses – is an act of strength not weakness.
Now, if your feelings of disappointment have nothing to do with causing hurt to another but instead are just a constant stream of negative thoughts in your head making you replay the scene on an endless loop, say aloud:
“This happened because life unfolds – with or without my permission. From a helicopter view, this is a tiny blip on the map, not a landmark worth revisiting.”
STEP 2: REFRAME THE PAST AS A TEACHER
What did you learn? How have you grown?
Let your reflections steep, then jot them down. Regret loses its grip when you turn it into wisdom.
You weren’t born wise – you arm wrestled life to earn it. For example, a failed friendship may have taught you the value of healthy boundaries. An embarrassing work blunder? A lesson in preparation or resilience.
The moment you shift from shame to learning, regret starts to lose its hold.
STEP 3: YOU’RE NOT MARLEY – LET GO OF THE CHAINS
Picture a battered old trunk, heavy and worn, wrapped around your waist with thick chains. It drags behind you like those on Marley in A Christmas Carol, while Scrooge watched aghast. Only this time, you are both Scrooge and Marley – witness and prisoner of your own regrets.
Imagine the trunk is stuffed with should-haves, what-ifs, and if-onlys. Now ask yourself: Why am I dragging this old thing around?
Cut the chains. Set that old trunk down. Walk away lighter.
WANT THE FULL RECIPE?
Advanced steps including lessons passed down, written fresh, and ready to be savored on every page.
TEA WITH THE DAMES
Volume 1: Boldly Brewed with Confidence
…is NOW AVAILABLE!
WANT THE FULL RECIPE?
Advanced steps including lessons passed down, written fresh, and ready to be savored on every page.
TEA WITH THE DAMES
Volume 1: Boldly Brewed with Confidence
…is NOW AVAILABLE!
Light, bright and alright!
No heavy-lifting with this simple but spectacular recipe.
The “Not Tonight, Martha” Chickpea Salad
This no-fuss Chickpea Salad isn’t just a meal — it’s a manifesto. Serve it when you want something easy, refreshing, and 100% free of guilt. Minimal prep, maximum comfort, and a nod to eating a healthy Mediterranean diet!