No Refills for Past Regrets:
All They Do is Whine
DEAR DAMES
“Like most women my age, I’ve made my share of mistakes but can’t seem to move past them. Just when I think I’m fine, old regrets sneak back in—bad choices, cringe-worthy moments, and a few relationships I should have avoided altogether. My friends say, “Just let it go,” but it feels like regret has me handcuffed and I’ve lost the key. How do I stop letting the past pour into my present?”
Sincerely, Regretful in Rochester
DEAR REGRETFUL
Ah yes—those regrets, whining on and on with the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve rants. We’ve all entertained them, thinking one more replay might rewrite the past (which it most certainly does not).
Regret steals energy, joy, and confidence—without even offering to do the dishes. But here’s the good news: Regret is not your life sentence. It’s a life lesson. And lessons are not meant to be relived with every gory detail. They are meant to be learned.
So, take the kettle off the burner. It’s time to stop stewing over the past and start pouring yourself some well-earned peace.
“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.”
— Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies (1999)
Ingredients
- 1 cup of self-compassion
- A generous scoop of perspective
- A sprinkle of humor (yes, even about that one time)
- 3 grounding breaths
- A dash of gratitude for how far you’ve come
- Optional: One dear friend who knows your worth better than you do
Instructions
STEP 1: ACKNOWLEDGE, DON’T AGONIZE
Mistakes are moments—not monuments. Own them, but don’t build a shrine. Say aloud:
– “Yes, this happened. I’m human, not heartless. I didn’t act with malice—just with the tools I had at the time. And here’s what I’ve learned since…”
Zoom out and take the helicopter view—this regret is one dot on the map, not your destination.
STEP 2: REFRAME THE PAST AS A TEACHER
What did you learn? How have you grown?
Let your reflections steep, then jot them down. Regret loses its grip when you turn it into wisdom.
STEP 3: DROP THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE – GRAB THE COLLAPSIBLE TOTE INSTEAD
Picture a battered old trunk, heavy and worn, tied to your waist with a thick rope. It’s stuffed with regrets, “should-haves,” and “if-onlys.”
Now ask yourself—why am I still dragging this old thing around?
WANT THE FULL RECIPE?
Including advanced steps, Dame-worthy quotes, “Tips for the Advanced Baker,” and Tea & Talk reflections to help you truly put regret in its place—off the guest list?
TEA WITH THE DAMES
Volume 1: Boldly Brewed with Confidence
…is coming soon! Stay tuned! Send us a note and we’ll let you know the moment it’s fresh out of the oven.
WANT THE FULL RECIPE?
Including advanced steps, Dame-worthy quotes, “Tips for the Advanced Baker,” and Tea & Talk reflections to help you truly put regret in its place—off the guest list?
TEA WITH THE DAMES
Volume 1: Boldly Brewed with Confidence
…is coming soon! Stay tuned! Send us a note and we’ll let you know the moment it’s fresh out of the oven.
Light, bright and alright!
No heavy-lifting with this simple but spectacular recipe.
Pasta Fresca
This vibrant Pasta Fresca salad doesn’t cling to the past—it celebrates the present. Light, zesty, and full of color, it’s worth every chop, stir, and sprinkle for a dish that travels well, disappears quickly, and is never, ever regrettable.